i had dinner w/ a very good friend of mine and found out that his dad is dying of metastatic prostate cancer. it's so weird, the memories you have when you hear news like this.
i used to tutor his brother in chemistry, and since it was for community service hours i wasn't s'posed to get paid. but his dad used to have all these snacks for us... and he used to slip me money or coupons to restaurants i liked, insisting i really helped his son. he's just thoughtful like that. the first thing he did when he learned his prognosis was marry his now-wife so that when he dies she'll get benefits from his company. that's so sweet it makes me wonder what i'd do if *i* were dying.
i also feel for my friend. he's so young... and already looking over his dad's shoulder. when his dad falls on his arm, who brings him to the hospital to get it checked out? when he forgets about his chemo date, who's his calendar? when he stubbornly goes boating, who warns him that he's too weak to go alone? my friend. the situation's enough to make any man crack.
Monday, July 25, 2005
middle aged has requested a switch in commenting systems. he says yaccs is slow. actually he says it's sloowww. sad thing is, he's right. i myself have noticed the lag time in the last few months, and being the increasingly impatient person i am, it's quite difficult for me to wait for the comments to load. it's not always bad, but it ain't always good either, and i'm nowhere near a perfectionist when it comes to dealing w/ my impatience.
unfortunately, haloscan doesn't allow for much customization, and what exactly do they think they're accomplishing by that GINORMOUS ad? does anyone actually click on that thing? oh wait, i take that back. i've clicked on it twice. once to see what the heck it was, and then again on accident when the computer i was using had a mini brain fart, causing my finger to go click click click. see, there's that impatience again.
and enetation... they just put little text ads all over the place. first there's smthg about donations. not only is it uncontrollable, it's also in the worst location possible -- at the top of the page, directly above the first comment, w/ no line break afterwards. and then at the bottom, there's a 'master server comments' link, and if you were curious enough to click on that you'd be directed to... an error screen.
clearly i haven't found a replacement for yaccs. i suspect enetation would be both quick and ad-free if i were to pay. er, i mean, donate. but here i am using a FREE blog site, so the chances of me paying for the ability to receive comments, which i'm not even sure is a feature that adds much to the page, is close to nil. i'll keep searching, but i'm running out of options. when did blogging become so complicated?
Saturday, July 23, 2005
i think i saw my ex at the ann arbor art fair last night. we'd all gotten separated at this little south american store, so i was just mindlessly looking at the clothing display outside and being forced to hear the funky keyboard music accompanying the teenaged boy tap dancing at the nearest street corner.
and then a guy walked by, jamming along to the music. yeah, weird right? so naturally i turned, and granted it'd been ages since we last communicated, but i could swear it was him. (actually, he sent me a very sweet letter a couple years ago, but he didn't include a return address, so that's where it ended.) before i could find out for sure though, S and B had found me.
but y'know how ppl have different mannerisms, and after awhile those mannerisms get ingrained into your head, so that you're sometimes able to recognize them? it was kinda like that. his build, his walk, and his moving to the music...
when i saw him, i suddenly felt regret over us no longer being in contact. i still believe that breaking all ties was the right thing to do, given my general thoughts on staying friends w/ exes, and especially given our masochistic on-again-off-again cycle. but now, passionate love has faded into an 'i love you as a friend who once knew me better than anyone' familiar feeling. so what chipped away at me more than anything wouldn't affect me now. and that leaves me curious... he doesn't live in MI anymore, so why was he there? is he happy in his job? is he in a worthwhile relnshp? how does NC compare to MI?
don't think that we'd want to pick up where we left off, though. both of us have inevitably changed since then and have no desire to repeat history. but a part of me would like to have a 5 minute talk w/ him, to see that he's doing well for himself. who knows, maybe we'll have that talk someday, if fate shall have us meet again.